Rescuing the Hijacked Brain

When your boss calls you an idiot, you will react as if he had put a gun to your head. Brain-wise, social threats are as powerful as physical threats. You will go limbic. The limbic system is the part of the brain related to our emotional life.

What You Can Do:
(01)   Name what happened and the emotion you are feeling—in a couple of words. For example: ‘My boss said I was incompetent. I can’t believe he insulted me this way after all my years of loyal service.’ Try to boil it down to just a few words. Never make a story out of it!

(02)   Make a list of your options. Avoid complaining about how horrible the other person is.

(03)   If you were scared by what happened, find a less frightening way of looking at it.

(04)   Tell yourself, ‘My reaction is average. If he talked to me like that, then he must talk to everybody like that.’

(05)   What is the most important thing you want to do today? Go DO that instead of thinking about how bad your situation is.

(06)   Take a different point of view. For example, if you are apprehensive about giving a speech in front of a group of people, visualize yourself as seated in the audience instead.

(07)   Do any activity that involves counting or measuring, like knitting, sewing, bookkeeping, carpentry, or counting the leaves on a tree. This kind of unemotional activity can serve as the re-set button for your brain. This is also a tried-and-true method for ending a panic!

(08)   Sit still or lie down for awhile. Take a class in how to meditate. In other words, learn how to stop your brain from thinking.

(09)  Try to remember if you said or did anything that might have contributed. Realize that events usually do not happen in isolation.

(10)  In going limbic, we are thinking that we are right and the other person is wrong. The funny thing is that every person on earth feels that he is right!—and that another person is wrong! Can you see the truth beyond right and wrong?

(11)  The latest brain science reveals that the brain is hardwired, as if it were a machine. Nobody changes easily. The realist says: ‘It is what it is’ and does not expect people to change more to his liking.

After going limbic, our only job is to calm down. Calming down is the way we rescue the brain.

Some Questions for Discussion:

• When was the last time someone insulted you? Brain-wise, social threats are as powerful as physical threats. Did your face become red? Did you say something back? How long did it take you to calm down after that?
• Have you ever been fired with no notice? How did you react? Did you plot ways to take revenge on your boss? Did you feel helpless and hopeless?
• Successful athletes and soldiers develop mental toughness, and this involves not paying attention to insults and put downs. Is mental toughness a kind of deafness? What do you think?
• Some people say they ‘roll with the punches’ when they are not appreciated. Other people say they let insults roll off them ‘like water off a duck’s back.’ They keep an imaginary protective barrier around them. Do you think you can imagine you have a layer around you protecting you from harm?
• When someone hurts your feelings, do you tell other people about it, write it down, and try to remember it for a long time? If so, do you think it is humanly possible to overlook  hurtful words instead of recording them? What do you think is the very best way to cope with hurt feelings?
• Maybe a family member said something critical of you, and you ‘took it to heart.’  Words can be like arrows that pierce to our hearts and other inner organs, damaging us very badly. Primitive, tribal peoples have been observed to die after an authority figure pointed at them with disapproval. Do you know someone who uses harsh words?
• Parents sometimes get angry and curse their children. They say things like, ‘You’ll never make any money’ or ‘You could never survive on your own’ or ‘Who would marry a girl like you?’ Children often take their parents and authority figures too seriously. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: ‘The truth is that I am okay in my own eyes and can decide for myself how to live my life.’
• Maybe the worst form of abuse is neglect– being abandoned or left alone. Children are often left alone these days because their parents are at work all day. Elderly people often live alone after their spouse dies. How do you think isolation affects the human brain?
• It is said to be a good idea to do a person a kindness or give them a gift, after they have hurt you. Why do you suppose that would be a good thing to do? Have you ever tried this? What was the result?

This report on the latest brain science is based on the  lecture, Taming the Animal Brain, given in 2010 by Paul McGinniss and sponsored by the International Coach Federation, New York City Chapter. Paul is a workplace and business coach with www.response-ableconsulting.com. Other concepts in this article were inspired by the work of Dr. Abraham A. Low (1891-1954) , a neurologist, psychiatrist, and pioneer in the field of cognitive therapy.   

Copyright © 2013        Barbara A. English        All rights reserved.